His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
