Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
