I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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