Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
