I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
smell my finger.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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