yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
