oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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