i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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