btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
