11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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