the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
