I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
