We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize