is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
