I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
