maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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