But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
