I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think my tv is drunk
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
