I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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