im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ladies don't puke and tell
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
