my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
