I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this boner is exhausting
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
