We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
