He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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