thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
