she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She's the barista slut.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
