Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
