not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
