M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
