I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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