doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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