I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
