Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
