Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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