I didn't shave. On purpose
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
