apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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