I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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