Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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