she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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