Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
