Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
