The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
