Your face is a jimmy john
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
