Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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