Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
