Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
