i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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