he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
