The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
