Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
