Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
