Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
