I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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