I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
