Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
