Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i think we sleep fucked last night...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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