First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
