a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am spending my child support on dildos
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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