so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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