just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My life is pants optional.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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