Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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