$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
