I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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