??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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