oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize