EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
