I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
