opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
two words: eviction party
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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