my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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