i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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