woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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