I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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