STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
pop tarts are not kleenex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize