she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
