I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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