Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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