shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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