i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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