I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
