You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
vagina is talking i cant
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
