I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
