my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
