ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize