Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
