so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
