We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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