I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
