Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
