Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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