Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
