no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
