That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
