do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
